Where Do Cats Like To Be Pet, Actually?

Written by Shaunice Lewis
Updated: May 7, 2022
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Cats are moody creatures. You could be petting your cat and one minute it’s purring, the next it’s biting you or hissing. Why do cats exhibit these seemingly bipolar behaviors? Are you petting your cat wrong? Read on to find out more.

The Ancestry Of Cats

To understand why your cat seems to like your petting one moment and then despise it the next, we need to first take a look at the ancestry of cats. Today’s domestic cat is considered to be the descendant of the African wildcat.

Back then, these cats were kept around by humans more as a form of pest control rather than a companion. This is quite different than how we view our cats today (although they’re still very good at pest control).

The shift in the dynamic between humans and cats is thought to have occurred around 4,000 years ago—which is a little later than the dog. Even though this may seem like plenty of time for cats to make the adjustment, the effects of our previous dynamic still linger. This means that their brains are probably still wired closely to that of their ancestors—in other words, they’re still wired to think like wildcats.

Wildcats lived their lives in solitude. Which is very different to the lives of our cats today. Wildcats also spent a considerable amount of time and effort communicating indirectly, via visual and chemical messages—they did this simply to avoid seeing each other. Because of this, it is unlikely that today’s cats have inherited any complex social skills from their typically antisocial ancestors.

On the other hand, humans are naturally very social creatures. We favor proximity and touch during displays of affection, which is one of the reasons why we love petting our cats. As humans, we’re also drawn to innocent, infantile features (which is why small animals like cats appear to be so cute). So it makes sense that our initial reaction to seeing our cute furry friends is to reach out to pet them.

Given what we know about the ancestry of cats, however, it is easy to see why sometimes they can be reluctant to accept our petting. This doesn’t mean that cats don’t like to be petted, it simply means that sometimes they might be fine with it, and other times they may not. It also means that you have to be considerate when petting your cat, and pay attention to the areas that it likes to be petted in and the areas that it doesn’t – because each cat has its own preferences.

Human interaction is something that cats have to learn to enjoy rather than it coming naturally to them. Some cats may even go as far as to react aggressively to our displays of affection. This is why you should never force your cat to allow you to pet it. Let it become more accepting over time, at its own pace.

Never force your cat to interact, play with it naturally, at its own pace.

©Africa Studio/Shutterstock.com

How To Pet A Cat Correctly

There is no specific place on a cat that is the perfect place to pet. Each individual cat is different and you may find that one of your cats loves to be pet on the top of its head while your other one hates it. The key to success is providing your cat with as much choice and control during your interactions as possible. For example, always give your cat the choice of whether or not to be petted.

As we mentioned before, never force-pet your cat. This can lead to acts of aggression and stress. Also, pay attention to how your cat responds when you pet it in certain places—this is how you learn what it likes best. By paying attention to the cat’s posture while you pet it, you can determine whether or not your cat is actually enjoying it.

A good place to start might be around the cat’s face including its ears, chin, and cheeks. These places are more commonly preferred places, unlike the tummy, back, and base of the tail. Your cat may still enjoy being rubbed in those places, but when it comes to building a relationship with a new cat and learning what it likes, those are not good places to start.

Signs Your Cat Is Enjoying Your Petting

There are a few things to look out for in order to know if your cat is enjoying your petting or not.

If your cat’s tail is upright and the cat is choosing to initiate contact, this is a good sign that it is inviting you to pet it. You may also notice that your cat is purring or kneading you with the front of its paws, which is known to be a sign of your cat displaying affection towards you.

A gentle waving of their tail from side to side in the air and a relaxed posture or facial expression are also good signs. You may also find that if you stop petting your cat, it may nudge you gently with its head. This is its way of letting you know that it wants more.

Signs Your Cat Is NOT Enjoying Your Petting

There are also signs you can look out for to know if your cat isn’t enjoying your petting—besides the more obvious ones like biting you or hissing.

Be aware of your cat’s behavior while you’re petting it and be on the lookout for signs of discomfort like shifting, moving, or leaning away from you. Remaining passive, meaning your cat is not purring or having any particular reaction, could also be a sign that your cat isn’t enjoying it.

Also, pay attention to the amount of cat fur that gets on your hand while you’re petting it. Shedding is common and completely normal for cats, especially as the weather begins to warm up. Be sure to invest in a good de-shedding glove for cats. This will help greatly reduce the amount of fur that winds up on your furniture and clothes. But if you find that your cat is losing a lot of fur when you pet it, this is something that should be checked out by a vet. Shedding can be a sign of an undiagnosed health issue, so always report this to your vet.

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You might also see that your cat is swishing or thumping its tail around, has a rippling or twitching of the skin on its back, or if the cat’s ears flatten or rotate backward. If you notice any of these signs, it’s safe to say that your cat does not like the way you’re petting it. Try one of the more commonly accepted petting spots that we mentioned before, including the face area, chin, and near the cheeks. Most cats usually like these spots.

While many cats love to be petted, there are just as many out there that don’t, and some of them may only tolerate your petting at best. Always be aware of how your cat is responding to your displays of affection, that way both you and your cat can stay on good terms.

The photo featured at the top of this post is © Olesya Kuznetsova/Shutterstock.com


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About the Author

Freelance writer specializing in natural health and wellness.

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