Cutest Dogs in the World: Boston Terrier vs. Dachshund

We’re here today to answer one of the most important questions facing humanity: which species is cuter, the Boston terrier or the dachshund? Thousands of dog owners of both breeds proudly post pictures of their little doggie friends. But they are certainly biased towards their fury buddies. So, we’re going to use cold, hard, objective science to prove which breed is cuter. And the answer is going to be absolutely true, accurate, and beyond any dispute!

The 3 Laws of Cuteness: Science Fact

After many hours debating how cuteness can be proven, we realized we needed to turn to the experts. Fortunately, there are hundreds of thousands of researchers of cuteness. They spend countless hours in field research, watching adorable animal videos. Who are these experts? Teenage girls, of course. So, we texted Brielle, who at 15 years old is widely recognized as one of the best cuteness experts in the world today. She told us that she and her fellow researchers have discovered three Laws of Cuteness that apply to all living creatures. Here they are:

1. Awkwardness – Truly cute dogs seem like they have not yet grown into their bodies. For example, they have big heads, eyes, and paws on a little body.
2. Troublesomeness – Little stinkers get into the kind of trouble that makes you laugh, not the kind that makes you cry.
3. “Boopability” – When you see a cute pup, you can’t stop yourself from gently tapping its nose with your finger and saying “BOOP!”

Now let’s test out these three laws on two of the cutest breeds in the world: the Boston terrier and the dachshund.

1st Law of Cuteness: Awkwardness

Boston Terrier: Awkwardness

Boston terriers are short-tailed little dogs standing about 17 inches and weighing no more than 25 pounds. Breeders have described them as “compact” and “well-balanced.” Their coats are white with large black, brown, brindle, or seal-colored markings that give them the appearance of wearing a tuxedo. This has won them the nickname of “The American Gentleman,” which is awkward if your Boston terrier happens to be a young lady. On the whole, all of this makes the Boston terrier absolutely irresistible, but not at all awkward. Sorry Boston terrier, you have failed the first law of cuteness!

Dachshund: Awkwardness

Dachshunds come in long-haired or short-haired varieties and in standard or miniature sizes. But all dachshunds have the long body and short, stout legs that make them immediately recognizable. And get this: their bellies droop in the middle, especially when they get too many treats and not enough exercise. Adorbs! To top it all off, they have an endearing habit of letting their tongues loll out of one side of their mouth. We didn’t have to explain the dachshund’s awkwardness, though. The mere fact that people call them “Weiner dogs” or “hot dogs” shows how lovably silly they look. So, the dachshund soundly wins round one of the Boston terrier vs. dachshund cuteness contest.

2nd Law of Cuteness: Troublesomeness

Boston Terrier: Troublesomeness

Boston terriers are short-haired dogs with low-maintenance coats. So, that detracts from their troublesomeness score. But they are energetic and need constant attention. That’s a lot of trouble. Bostons also have separation anxiety and will tear your place apart one bite at a time if you leave them alone too long. Ooh, now that’s big trouble, too. They are very trainable, but they are also emotional, sensitive dogs that will get their feelings hurt when you correct them. So, you’ll have to follow up with cuddling and praise or they will sulk. Ugh, emotional neediness is the most trouble of all! So, before we even look at the dachshund, it’s looking like the Boston terrier will win this round.

Dachshund: Troublesomeness

Dachshunds make their own brand of trouble. The developers of the breed used them to hunt small prey, so they still have a strong prey instinct. This can make them take off after smaller animals. Another of their working skills is to remain focused on a trail without paying attention to any distractions. This can mean that if they’re deeply absorbed with a chew toy or doggie treat, they may ignore you. On top of these troubles, if you have a long-haired variety, it will need routine brushing and trimming. But none of this compares to the emotional neediness of a Boston terrier, so the dachshund loses this round.

3rd Law of Cuteness: “Boopability”

Boston Terrier: “Boopability”

So, how loveable is a Boston terrier? How much do you want to “boop” its nose when you see it? As it turns out, a lot. We did a scientific survey of five whole people, and it turns out four of them wanted to boop the Boston terrier more than the dachshund. Why? Because they have shorter and stubbier noses on a flat square face. Boopability isn’t the only lovable feature on a Boston terrier, though. They also have big, oversized ears, buggy eyes, and a wrinkly, expressive face like Baby Yoda. So obviously, the Boston terrier’s boopability level is maxed out!

Dachshund: “Boopability”

Well, we already established the dachshund isn’t very boopable. It has that long, pointy nose instead of a flat one. But thinking of other physical features: ooh those soft floppy ears! That slobbery tongue! That whipping tail! Those stubby legs! And most of all: that swishy long belly that just goes on and on! There’s a lot of this dog to love! Nevertheless, we have to give this round to the Boston terrier. Boopability is clearly the most important criterion here, and this funny little hot dog just doesn’t cut the mustard in that area.

Boston Terrier vs. Dachshund: And the Winner Is . . .

Wow, we have to be honest, the science led us in a direction we didn’t expect. We thought the dachshund would be cuter by far. But infallible experts have spoken. The dachshund is more awkward, but the Boston terrier causes more adorable trouble and has a more boopable nose. So, congratulations, Boston terrier! You win! But don’t feel bad, dachshund. You will always look cuter in your Halloween costume!