Decoding Cat Behavior: The Art of Petting

where do cats like to be pet
Olesya Kuznetsova/Shutterstock.com

Written by Shaunice Lewis

Published: January 17, 2025

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Cats are moody creatures. One minute it’s purring, the next it’s hissing. Why do cats exhibit these seemingly bipolar behaviors? Are you petting your cat wrong? Read on to find out more.

The Ancestry Of Cats

replica of a statue of the Egyptian cat goddess Bastet in front of a real European tabby cat as comparison on studio isolated white background

Back in the day, cats were relied on as pest (rodent(control.

To understand why your cat seems to like your petting one moment and then despise it the next, we need to first take a look at the ancestry of cats. Today’s domestic cat is considered to be the descendant of the African wildcat.

Back then, these cats were kept around by humans more as a form of pest control rather than a companion. This is quite different than how we view our cats today (although they’re still very good at pest control).

The shift in the dynamic between humans and cats is thought to have occurred around 4,000 years ago. Before, wildcats lived their lives in solitude. They also spent a considerable amount of time and effort communicating indirectly, via visual and chemical messages—they did this simply to avoid seeing each other. Because of this, it is unlikely that today’s cats have inherited any complex social skills from their typically antisocial ancestors.

Solitary Cats vs. Social Humans

On the other hand, humans are naturally very social creatures. We favor proximity and touch during displays of affection, which is one of the reasons why we love petting our cats. As humans, we’re also drawn to innocent, infantile features (which is why small animals like cats appear to be so cute). So it makes sense that our initial reaction to seeing our cute furry friends is to reach out to pet them.

Given what we know about the ancestry of cats, however, it is easy to see why sometimes they can be reluctant to accept our petting. This doesn’t mean that cats don’t like to be petted, it simply means that sometimes they might be fine with it, and other times they may not. It also means that you have to be considerate when petting your cat, and pay attention to the areas that it likes to be petted and the areas that it doesn’t – because each cat has its preferences.

Human interaction is something that cats have learned to tolerate. Some cats may even go as far as to react aggressively to our displays of affection. This is why you should never force-pet your cat. If you have an aloof cat, allow it the space to come to you.

Never force your cat to interact, play with it naturally, at its own pace.

How To Pet A Cat Correctly

There is no specific place on a cat that is the perfect place to pet. Each cat is different and you may find that one of your cats loves to be pet on the top of its head while your other one hates it. The key to success is providing your cat with as much choice and control during your interactions as possible. For example, always give your cat the choice of whether or not to be petted.

As we mentioned before, never force-pet your cat. This can lead to acts of aggression and stress. Also, pay attention to how your cat responds when you pet it in certain places—this is how you learn what it likes best. By paying attention to the cat’s posture while you pet it, you can determine whether or not your cat is enjoying it.

A good place to start might be around the cat’s face including its ears, chin, and cheeks. These places are more commonly preferred places, unlike the tummy, back, and base of the tail. Your cat may still enjoy being rubbed in those places, but when it comes to building a relationship with a new cat and learning what it likes, those are not good places to start.

Signs Your Cat Is Enjoying Your Petting

There are a few things to look out for to know if your cat is enjoying your petting or not.

If your cat’s tail is upright and the cat is choosing to initiate contact, this is a good sign that it is inviting you to pet it. You may also notice that your cat is purring or kneading you with the front of its paws, which is known to be a sign of your cat displaying affection towards you.

A gentle waving of their tail from side to side in the air and a relaxed posture or facial expression are also good signs. You may also find that if you stop petting your cat, it may nudge you gently with its head. This is its way of letting you know that it wants more.

Signs Your Cat Is NOT Enjoying Your Petting

feral cat/stray cat

Your cat will provide signs of distress. Get to know them.

There are also signs you can look out for to know if your cat isn’t enjoying your petting—besides the more obvious ones like biting you or hissing.

Be aware of your cat’s behavior while you’re petting it and be on the lookout for signs of discomfort like shifting, moving, or leaning away from you. Remaining passive, meaning your cat is not purring or having any particular reaction, could also be a sign that your cat isn’t enjoying it.

You might also see that your cat is swishing or thumping its tail around, has a rippling or twitching of the skin on its back, or if the cat’s ears flatten or rotate backward. If you notice any of these signs, it’s safe to say that your cat does not like the way you’re petting it. Try one of the more commonly accepted petting spots that we mentioned before, including the face area, chin, and near the cheeks. Most cats usually like these spots.

While many cats love to be petted, there are just as many out there that don’t, and some of them may only tolerate your petting at best. Always be aware of how your cat is responding to your displays of affection, that way both you and your cat can stay on good terms.


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About the Author

Shaunice Lewis

Freelance writer specializing in natural health and wellness.

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